The Gift of Apathy
by Grassycheesecake
Summary: As A-ya spends a series of mundane afternoons listening to an urban legends podcast with C-ta, he decides to ask a question that he's been holding back for a long time. The answer, much to his relief, leads him to an unanticipated bit of variety in their usual interactions. fandom: Shuuen no shiori (shuuenpro) Pairing: C-ta/A-ya (CA)


A-ya leaned back against the side of his bed, watching dust motes drift through a ray of sunlight. The room was filled with eerie violin music as C-ta's tinny phone speakers cranked out the familiar ending theme of a paranormal stories podcast that he liked. He'd been listening to the show for a few months, and though the music was familiar enough for him to find it relaxing, it wasn't yet so mundane as to be boring.

He felt relaxed, much more so than he had in a long while. The unknown gaze that haunted his bedroom had been on him more than ever while he was home for summer break, and it was making it difficult to rest. He was fairly sure he had figured out the source, but he wasn't certain who was behind it, and that left him with a constant sense of unease. With C-ta there, however, everything was different.

A-ya turned to face him as the song's final notes drew to a close, unsurprised to find that his friend appeared to have fallen asleep. His soft breathing filled A-ya's ears in the absence of music, leaving him wondering whether it was worthwhile to wake him up. He shifted forward to reach for his phone, and C-ta stirred next to him at the sound of movement. He blinked hard for a moment while looking around, then turned to A-ya.

"Sorry I fell asleep," he said. "What'd you think of the episode?"

A-ya shrugged. "It was fine. I'd heard most of those stories before though, so it wasn't that interesting."

C-ta slumped against the bed again, shaking his head as he did so. "You've heard every story."

A-ya frowned. "I haven't heard every story, just a lot of them. That first one about the dog was new to me."

"Yeah, but that's because it's based on a legend from what, Ireland? You've heard practically every urban legend in our whole country. You just haven't branched out enough to the rest of the world yet."

"Mmm, maybe."

C-ta smiled at A-ya in that wide, too soft way of his. It was the same sort of smile that had elicited countless love notes over the years, but A-ya had known him long enough to know he couldn't trust it. When they were alone together, it only ever meant one thing. C-ta was about to propose some tiresome scheme, and no amount of protest would convince him to let it go.

"Hey, maybe we should switch to listening to shows in english." His whole demeanor oozed confidence as he spoke, as if he thought he were the cleverest man in the world. A-ya was unimpressed.

"I'm not that good at english, remember?"

"Yeah, but I bet you'd be a lot more motivated to practice if your precious rumours were on the line. And just think- a whole new world of western legends for you to explore."

Much as he hated to admit it, C-ta had a point. Still, the idea of spending hours studying up on english sounded tiresome. He wasn't sure if finding fresher podcasts would be worth it.

"I'll think about it." He said.

"You know I'm right A-ya." C-ta looked at him, still as smug and smiley as ever. With a sigh, A-ya accepted the fact that there was no fighting his fate.

"Fine, I guess I'll do it, but only on one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"I don't feel like studying on my own, so you have to tutor me."

"Ah, you're still that helpless?" C-ta's expression shifted when he said that, and the look on his face was all too familiar. He'd been making that face at him since they were kids, but A-ya still didn't have a name for it. What he did know, though, was that that face meant he was about to win. C-ta would do anything for him when he got like that. All he had to do was endure a little bit of doting.

"Don't act like you don't want to." He said.

"Of course. I'd do anything for you." A-ya swallowed a smile. He'd read his friend almost too well. He was so easy to predict, especially when they were alone together. He could feel C-ta's eyes on him, lingering as they always did, and he turned his head to meet them.

"I know."

A month later, A-ya was once again sitting on that same spot on his bedroom floor, his back pressed against the side of his bed as C-ta's phone filled the room with the sound of violin theme music. He closed his eyes as the final notes played, savoring the feeling of peace. C-ta had been spending even more time with him than usual since he'd started trying to tutor him in english, and his presence was proving useful. Whenever he was there, A-ya never felt the mystery gaze that he had grown so accustomed to.

At first, that gaze and the fear it brought had been terribly exciting. He'd never been afraid before, and he'd relished it. He'd had no idea what would happen next. Over time though, it had grown to be nothing more than an annoyance. He'd found a camera once a year ago, which had solved part of the mystery, and he had a pretty good guess as to who had placed it and why. He never asked about it, though. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he brought it up and turned out to be wrong. C-ta would be insulted, and even worse, if the cameras turned out to be someone else's, he'd go insane with overprotectiveness. A-ya, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to care that much. His constant state of fear wasn't fun, but it at least kept him on his toes. He'd scoured his whole house over a year ago after finding the first camera, destroying all the ones he found in other rooms, but he left the ones in his bedroom. He wasn't doing anything he needed to hide, and he wasn't ready to abandon his life's only source of real tension and mystery. .

Still, all things considered, it was nice to have a rest from feeling unnerved all the time. Plus, the fact that C-ta's presence made the unseen gaze disappear brought him one step closer to solving the mystery.

After a minute or two of silence, C-ta broke through A-ya's train of thought. "_So,_" he began in english, "_What did you think of the episode?" _

_ "It was okay._" A-ya knew that his pronunciation of "_okay_" had sounded far too japanese as soon as he said it, but C-ta didn't call him out. Instead, he slid down from where he'd been laying on the bed and took a seat on the floor next to A-ya.

"_You're getting good at this. I think next week we should start looking for something in English to listen to." _

_ "Okay." _

_ "Hey,_" C-ta nudged A-ya with his leg,_ "you have to say something besides 'okay'. "_

_ "Yes yes. You will help me do…_uh_" _A-ya floundered for a moment, trying to remember the translation for what he wanted to say. C-ta waited with the same soft smile as always, giving him another one of those stupid prettyboy looks of his that he probably thought was reassuring. It was hard to be reassured, though, when he knew that deep down, his friend was relishing his moment of apparent helplessness. After a long pause, he found the word.

"_You have to help research. I need to read about podcasts, and bad at reading." _

"Of course I'll help you." A wave of relief washed over A-ya when C-ta's response came in Japanese. "But remember, it would be _and _I am_ bad at reading, _not just_ and bad at. _You can't drop out the _I _part like you can in japanese.

A-ya sighed and shifted forward to lay his back on the floor. C-ta leaned over as he did, leaning his elbow on the bedframe so that his face hung above A-ya's own.

"I'm serious about what I said, by the way. You're learning real well now that you're putting in the effort." There was a beat of silence, and A-ya looked toward the window. He could feel C-ta's eyes on him, and even though he knew it was just his friend, the sensation was eerily similar to the mystery gaze.

"_Hey_," C-ta broke through the silence again, "_Say something else in English." _

"Why?"

"_You're cute when you're thinking hard like that, and I don't get to see you make that face very often._"

"Did you call me cute?" A-ya didn't know all of the words in what C-ta had said, but he was pretty sure he'd understood the gist of it correctly.

"_I won't answer if you speak Japanese." _

"_You are annoying_."

"_You don't mean that_."

"_I do." _

_ "Fine. I guess I have to be annoying then._" C-ta pushed off from the bedframe and stretched an arm over A-ya, holding himself above him while he used his free hand to grab A-ya's face and squish his cheeks together while making a stupid sound. A-ya didn't bother fighting back, and after a moment, C-ta let go. His hand lingered on A-ya's face for longer than it needed to, but that was nothing new. He'd had always been touchy when they were alone together. Boundaries were not his strong suit, which, as A-ya thought about it, lended even more credence to his camera theory. After a long moment of quiet as C-ta leaned over him, he decided to take his chance.

"Hey, he said, "Do you remember a year or so ago when I told you about that camera I found in my room?"

"You mean the one your parents put there?" C-ta's expression didn't change much, but A-ya was close enough to see the twitch of his fingers and the way his muscles tensed. He was on the right track.

"I don't think my parents put them there."

"What do you mean?"

"That was always your suggestion, remember? I looked into it on my own a while back, and I figured out what I think is a better answer."

"And what is that?" C-ta's face was growing pallid white, and a small part of A-ya enjoyed the moment of reversal. It was nice to not have to worry about being called helpless.

He let the tension linger, sitting up to bring himself closer to C-ta and meeting his eyes without a word. Though he was obviously trying to remain calm, A-ya could see the telltale signs of panic in the twitch of his lips and the subtle widening of his eyes.

"I didn't… I'm not…" A-ya had never seen C-ta lose his words like this before. "You don't think I placed them, do you?"

"I'm not angry. I just want to be sure."

"C'mon A-ya don't tease me like this. You know it wasn't me."

"C-ta. Who else would be able to get into my house? Who else worries about me this much?"

"Your parents. I thought we agreed that-"

"My parents wouldn't put cameras in my room. They're gone all the time because they're so busy with work. There's no way they'd be able to check them. And anyway, it would be a strange thing for them to do without even telling me." A-ya leaned just a little farther forward. He knew his proximity wasn't helping C-ta find his words, but he wasn't sure he'd be able to get the truth if he didn't keep him worked up.

Finally, as he often did when they were together, C-ta broke the silence.

"You really wouldn't be mad at me?"

"I'm not. I don't want you replacing the ones in the other rooms, but my room is fine I guess. I know how much you worry about me."

"A-ya, I-." He stopped himself mid sentence, and A-ya could practically hear the gears in his head turning. He knew that C-ta had to be desperate to find a way to put himself back into that smooth, protective persona of his. When his face broke into another wide smile, A-ya knew that he'd found it.

"You really are helpless aren't you?" The tension that A-ya had watched build up beneath C-ta's skin was melting away as he resumed a familiar foothold in their conversation. "You really do need me, don't you?"

A-ya didn't bother acknowledging the questions. He never did.

"Don't put up any more, okay?. I don't mind them, but you know that this is a bad habit, right? Our parents would be upset if they found out."

"Of course." C-ta didn't look like he was listening very much to what A-ya was saying. He reached over as he spoke, taking hold of his jawbone with the slightest of pressure between his thumb and fingers. "I won't do it again A-ya. I just get so worried, you know. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

"Yeah. I know" A-ya was used to C-ta in his personal space, but he had never gotten quite so close before. His hand had been on his jaw far too long to be passed off as a casual touch. In fact, he realized, there was only one reason he could think of for his friend to be holding him like that while they were so close. If he didn't move, C-ta was going to kiss him.

He felt around in his mind for a reaction to that, but to his surprise, he came up empty. He wasn't excited; he wasn't disgusted. He was just unsurprised. Of course C-ta wanted to kiss him, his mind was saying. He was obsessive, and A-ya was the object of that obsession. This was inevitable- just another part of the mundane everyday.

"A-ya," C-ta whispered, his breath warm on A-ya's face, "_You are everything to me." _

"_I know._" A-ya tilted his head upward and to the side, looking away from the intensity of his gaze. He wondered if he should let his friend kiss him. He couldn't think of any real reason not to.

C-ta leaned in even closer, his face barely a centimeter away. A-ya didn't move away, and C-ta, taking his inaction as permission, closed the gap between them.

C-ta planted a singular slow kiss and pulled away. His lips were softer than A-ya had expected, and very warm. He didn't speak or push him away, and C-ta moved in for a second kiss, then a third. Once they hit the fourth, he stopped leaving gaps between them. When he finally pulled away, he smiled again in that same way that he had been since they were kids. A-ya knew what was coming next.

"You're so helpless A-ya, even like this."

"What do you mean this time?"

"You're such a lazy kisser. You have to put in some effort."

"Sorry. I haven't done this before."

"Neither have I, so it's unfair to put all the work on me." C-ta sat up straighter and swung one of his legs to A-ya's other side. When A-ya didn't react, he leaned forward again, pushing A-ya gently downward until he felt the floor beneath him.

"Really?" A-ya wondered vaguely what the others from the club would say if they saw C-ta sitting over him like this. He wasn't surprised at any of his actions, not really, but he was pretty sure the others were a lot more convinced by his friend's pretend normalcy. He was good at hiding his obsession when they weren't alone.

"Really. I rejected every girl that asked me out, remember?"

"You told me you went on dates with a few of them."

"Those don't count. I never go on second dates, and the ones that I did say yes to were only for the sake of my image. A single boring date might as well be a rejection."

"You and your image obsession."

"Oh c'mon, you know it's useful having a friend as popular as me."

"I guess, but what about B-ko?"

C-ta frowned. "You wouldn't do this with her though, right?"

"No." A-ya considered it, and found that no, he really didn't want to. The thought of kissing B-ko came with some mild distaste attached to it, while the idea of kissing C-ta made him feel nothing at all. The physical sensation of it had proved nice enough, and there were no negative feelings to be had. In fact, he was almost enjoying it. It was hard to be bored when something so new was happening to him.

"Well, she doesn't count then because she's not on the same level of friendship as we are. Most people don't have friends close enough to do this with, y'know?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure most guys only kiss their girlfriends."

"Exactly. We're a special case." C-ta leaned in and rested a hand on A-ya's jawbone again. He held it there for a moment, just staring, then kissed him again. He was still being slow and hesitant, but his whole body was pressed against A-ya's. He pulled upward a bit, directing A-ya's head to a different angle, and A-ya couldn't help but smirk a little. It was so fitting, he thought, that even the way C-ta kissed him would be overbearing. Still, he didn't mind it at all.

A week later, A-ya was once again sat in his familiar spot on the floor against his bed. C-ta was there, as always, sitting a little ways away. They hadn't spoken about the previous week, and C-ta hadn't done anything close to trying to kiss him again. Everything had been the same as it had been for years, in fact, and it was driving A-ya mad with frustration. The previous week had been so outside the norm, unsurprising as it may have been, but he was stuck back in his old routine again. .

As always, the host said the last few lines of the podcast and the tinny speakers of C-ta's phone filled the room with eerie violin. A-ya listened, looking for the comfort of the familiar tune, but he found nothing good there. The song had crossed the threshold from pleasantly familiar to mundane and dull. The final notes left him feeling more bored than ever.

_"So,_" C-ta asked as it ended, _"What did you think of this week's episode?"_

_ "It was okay. I liked the American story. I did not hear that one before." _

_ "I thought you would. Do you want to listen to that foreign one we talked about?" _

_ "Okay." _

_ "I'm so proud of you A-ya. You've gotten so good at English." _

A-ya rolled his eyes. "It's only because my tutor never leaves me alone."

"But who would listen to things with you if I did? You'd be lost without me."

"Whatever."

C-ta smiled at him in his usual way as he got up to get his phone from its place on the desk. He tapped at it for a minute, and the sounds of an unfamiliar theme song began to fill the room. This show's used mostly piano.

A-ya watched as C-ta hesitated there by the desk. He looked uncertain, which was still not something he was used to seeing. This time, though, it was more annoying than interesting.

"C'mon. I won't let you keep doing things like what you did last week if you're going to start acting all weird around me like this."

"Sorry. I was just thinking about something." C-ta crossed back over to the bed and sat down, this time close enough for their arms to brush. An unfamiliar voice began speaking over the theme music in english, and A-ya was surprised to find that he could actually follow most of what he was saying. He was quickly engrossed as the show picked up. Each story was unfamiliar to him, and a lot of what was discussed would make perfect building blocks for the creation of his own rumours.

When the theme music picked up again to herald the commercial break, A-ya turned to C-ta next to him. His friend said nothing, so he took upon himself to break the silence.

"_Hey,_" he said, "_thanks._"

"_For what_?"

"_For teaching me_."

_"Oh, it was no problem. Do you like the new show?" _

_ "Yes._ It's really interesting and I haven't heard any of the legends before."

"I'm glad." C-ta looked down at where their arms were pressed together, then back up at A-ya. "Is it uncomfortable this close?"

"No."

"_You're the best A-ya._" C-ta pulled his arm from between them and draped it over A-ya's shoulders. To his surprise, he found that the sensation of weight was comforting as opposed to annoying. He shifted his weight to lean against his friend.

The ad break dropped off, and the room filled once again with the unfamiliar sound of piano music. A-ya listened with rapt attention as it did, eager to hear everything that the new show had to offer.

* * *

_Hey y'all, there's a lot of argument online right now about if/how it's acceptable to depict unhealthy/abusive relationships, so for the sake of my reputation and your safety, this is your friendly reminder to please not actually date anybody like C-ta. Cameras ain't cool my dudes. That's called stalking._

_Anyway, thanks for reading. I have no idea if this is even in character for my own interpretations of these dudes, let alone anyone else's, but I had fun writing it so we're gonna say that that's all that matters._

_Hit me up on tumblr or pillowfort under the name grassycheesecake if you wanna chat. I really appreciate hearing from you guys :)_


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